The Power of Love
by Gustavo Wombat
Summary: The Decepticons steal a device that can convert love into energy, and it is up to Jazz, Wheeljack and Perceptor to get it back. Set between Season 2 and Transformers: The Movie.


Jazz listened absent-mindedly to Dr. Lewis as he described his discovery. He felt cheated, in a way, as although the discovery was indeed interesting, it was just not the news Jazz had been expecting.

Wheeljack, however, was nearly beside himself with excitement. "Dr. Lewis, if this pans out, you may have not only discovered the ultimate renewable energy source, but you may have discovered a rationale for changing your society for the better that no one could ever argue with."

"We don't want to get too far ahead of ourselves yet," Dr. Lewis said, trying to dampen the Autobot's expectations. "We have a prototype, nothing more, and it allows the vast majority of the energy to escape. But, let's begin the demonstration."

Dr. Lewis reached into the wire cage, and carefully removed a light brown, extra fluffy hamster named Chuck, and placed him on a small table. Chuck looked up at Dr. Lewis, and then over at the Autobots, twitched his whiskers, and began to head towards the edge of the table, but Dr. Lewis gently nudged the hamster back towards the center.

He then called for his daughter, a six year old girl named Cindy, who sat at a chair at the table. Cindy stared silently at the giant robot visitors.

"Good morning, little schoolgirl," Perceptor said.

Cindy continued to stare.

Two massive mechanical energy collectors resembling solar panels sat on either side of the table, dwarfing the girl and the hamster.

"Cindy," Dr. Lewis said, as he walked behind a large lead radiation shield and began adjusting controls, "would you start petting Chuck?"

Cindy began to stroke the hamster's fur vacantly, while continuing to stare at the Autobots.

"Cindy, I need you to ignore the robots, and focus on your hamster. He's very soft and he has tiny little feet."

Cindy laughed, and began rubbing the hamster on the forehead.

"He has a tiny nose, and cute whiskers, and you like how he stuffs his cheeks with things..." Dr. Lewis continued.

As Cindy continued to play with the hamster, a small light activated on the other side of the room. The light was connected to the collectors by an improbably large and thick cable.

"There you have it!" Dr. Lewis exclaimed, pointing to the light, "That, right there, is the power of love! It is more than a feeling, it is an energy source!"

"That's it?" Jazz asked, disappointed. "The power of love is only about 10 watts? And doesn't the girl consume more energy than that?"

Perceptor shook his head slightly. "It's just a prototype. A proof of concept. It demonstrates that love exists as a force, that it can be captured, and used as energy."

"I believe that Dr. Lewis is proposing to recapture some of that food energy that would otherwise be lost after it was converted into love." Wheeljack explained, continuing Perceptor's explanation.

"It's more than that," Dr. Lewis said, excitedly. "Cindy isn't creating love, she is tapping into a veritable love field. She is channelling that love through herself and towards the hamster, and the collectors are then converting the movements in the love field to energy. It's just like moving a magnet through an electrical field. A veritable river of love!"

"Impressive," Perceptor noted. "But how do you ensure that the child will actually love the hamster? What if she is allergic?"

"Don't you understand?" Jazz asked. "The girl is always going to love the hamster. That's just how girls are."

"Exactly!" Dr. Lewis exclaimed. "And if not a hamster, than a housecat, a hedgehog, or even another human!"

"Does it need to be a child?" Wheeljack asked.

"No, no," Dr. Lewis explained. "I used Cindy because I have her for the weekend, and I thought it would be a nice opportunity for a little father-daughter bonding. It does turn out that the subject must be female, however, as males are mathematically incapable of love."

"Daddy," Cindy asked, "does that mean you don't love me?"

"There are different kinds of love, dear."

* * *

"Rat-Bat, report!" Megatron commanded, as the tiny Decepticon fuel scout returned to base and perched upon the edge of a large computer terminal.

Rat-Bat, took flight, transformed into cassette mode, landed in Soundwave's waiting chest door, and played back Dr. Lewis's words. "And there you have it, that right there, is the power of love!"

"Interesting," Megatron said, "if we could harness this human love, we would have a limitless energy source. We could-"

"We could light a tiny lightbulb," Starscream said. "These humans are worthless."

"Starscream, you think too small, if we harnessed the power of all of humanity, we would have a massive power source."

"One human can power a small light bulb. Even if we harnessed the power all all the humans, that would barely be enough power to run our base."

"If this girl feels such love for a small rodent that she can power a lightbulb, imagine what she could power if she loved something more significant," Megatron said, beginning to laugh sinisterly.

"Just how large do these rodents get?" Starscream asked, dismissively.

* * *

Wheeljack looked around Dr. Lewis's lab, marveling at the degree of sophistication with which humans were able to manipulate their crude instruments, and the amount of sheer brilliance that was required to make the advances Dr. Lewis was making with tools hardly more complex than silicon transistors, magnetic tape and clubs.

The original prototype was large and unwieldy, but the second prototype was built with the help of Wheeljack and Perceptor, and was barely larger than a shoe box.

"Please hold onto this device," Perceptor said, offering the device to Cindy Lewis, "and love something."

Cindy stared at Perceptor.

"I don't think that's how it works," Jazz said.

"I have examined Wheeljack's schematics, as well as Dr. Lewis's notes, the original blueprints for the first prototype, and the initial prototype itself, and I assure you that is precisely how the device works."

"That might be how the device works, but that's not how Cindy works. She can't just turn her emotions on and off, you've got to draw them out. You've gotta be nice to her."

"Cindy," Wheeljack said, kneeling down to be closer to her level. "Look what Perceptor brought for you - it's a box with lots of wires sticking out. Isn't it a nice box? And most of the wires aren't very sharp at all..."

Cindy stared up at Wheeljack.

"I'll go get the hamster," Dr. Lewis said.

As Dr. Lewis returned with the hamster, Jazz leaped across the room, and braced himself above Cindy, Chuck and Dr. Lewis. The alert Autobot warrior had heard the tell-tale sounds of Decepticon laser fire striking the brickwork of the building.

It took Wheeljack a moment to realize what the sound was, and he braced himself for combat. Perceptor quickly positioned himself between the collapsing brickwork and Dr. Lewis's prototype.

The wall of the building exploded, showering the Autobots with bricks, mortar, and building materials. The humans and the hamster remained safe under Jazz.

Megatron, Starscream, Dirge and Ramjet stepped through the newly created opening in the wall, and began firing.

Perceptor fell, taking a blast to the shoulder. He had never been a warrior, and today was no different. Wheeljack fought valiantly, beating on Dirge with a pair of wrenches until he was finally kicked down by Megatron.

And the last thing Jazz saw was Ramjet's head slamming into his own. As he crumpled, he could hear Megatron say, "quickly, grab the prototype and the girl before more Autobots arrive."

"Retreating again, mighty Megatron?" Starscream sneered.

"We have what we came for," Megatron declared. "We will not stay and jeopardize our objectives."

"Run, flee, back to our base," Starscream muttered. "I will clean up here. Injured Autobots are my favorites."

Megatron shook his head slightly. He, Ramjet and Dirge took to the skies.

Starscream walked over towards Jazz. "Any last words Autobot, before I shatter your laser core? What's that? Nothing? You aren't functioning enough to speak? Poor Autobot, I just wish you were online enough to watch. Never let it be said that Starscream is nothing if not -"

Perceptor kicked Starscream in the back of the knee, and Wheeljack threw a wrench at his head. Starscream quickly fled.

When she regained consciousness, Cindy was strapped into the chair. She raised her head, and looked about the room.

There were several Decepticons milling about, adjusting controls on machines and computer panels. On the far side of the room, she could see dozens of cages, each holding a single rodent of a variety of different species.

There was a mouse running on a wheel, a guinea pig nibbling on some lettuce, and then she locked eyes with a capybara.

A hundred pounds of rodent looked back at her. She screamed.

* * *

Jazz reactivated with a start, and surveyed the situation. Wheeljack was messing with his systems - probably doing repair work. Perceptor was standing, clutching his damaged shoulder, and Dr. Lewis was pacing nervously. Cindy, Chuck and the prototype were all missing.

There was, however, a woman that he had never seen before. From her stiff posture, and her slightly stern manner, Jazz was reasonably confident that she was a government agent of some form. The lack of uniform didn't help Jazz identify her position, but it ruled out many agencies.

"Is he awake? Can he answer questions?" the woman asked Wheeljack.

"I'm online," Jazz responded, before Wheeljack could.

"Good. I'm Detective Fairborn, of the Chicago Police Department. Did you see the kidnapping?"

"They took the girl?" Jazz asked, concerned.

"From your tone, I assume that is a no?" Detective Fairborn asked.

"The Decepticons attacked us, but I was out for the count by the time they left. What happened?"

"Megatron, and three accomplices, caused considerable property damage while breaking and entering, engaged in acts of assault and battery, if not attempted murder, stole a mechanical device of unknown value, and kidnapped a young girl."

"We will get the girl back, and the prototype," Jazz replied. "Just leave it to us, we've dealt with the Decepticons before."

"I don't know how they handle things in Central City," Detective Fairborn said, "but here in Chicago, we take kidnapping seriously. I'm not about to sit back and leave things to you, this is a law enforcement matter."

"Detective, these are Decepticons. They're not your run of the mill kidnappers, they are alien robots."

"Yes, I'm sure INS is going to get involved at some point, but I think the kidnapping takes priority over their immigration status. Did the kidnappers leave any note with their demands?" Detective Fairborn was getting blurry as she spoke.

Jazz smacked himself on the side of the head to cause his optical sensors to reset. "They're not your run of the mill human kidnappers, they are alien robots," Jazz said. "They aren't holding her for money or to abuse her, there isn't going to be a note or a phone call demanding anything."

Almost as soon as Jazz said that, the phone began to ring. "Don't answer it!" Detective Fairborn shouted to Dr. Lewis, who was reaching for the phone.

Detective Fairborn picked up the phone. "Detective Marissa Fairborn, Chicago PD."

"Detective Fairborn," the voice on the line began. "This is Megatron, leader of the Decepticons. In our haste we neglected a component of the system, and without it, I fear little Cindy here will be of no further use to us."

"Then release her," Detective Fairborn ordered. "Release her before you do something you regret, and escalate this situation further."

"I suppose that a dead child might demoralize the Autobots," Megatron said, "and that would at least be something. Or you could deliver the component."

"What component?" Detective Fairborne asked.

"I believe it is called a hamster," Megatron announced, sinisterly. "And not just any hamster. You will bring me the hamster named Chuck."

"If we give you the hamster," Detective Fairborn said, gesturing to the others to start looking for the hamster, "will you release the girl?"

"If you do not give me the hamster, I will kill the girl. You have one hour."

The phone went dead.

Detective Fairborn was silent for a moment. She had handled several kidnapping cases before, but there had always been a human motive. She began to set the phone down, and asked "Has anyone seen the hamster?"

* * *

Chuck pondered his freedom. He had spent hours and hours chewing on the bars of his cage, day after day, desperate to escape, but now that he was free, he didn't know what to do.

The possibilities were endless, and more than Chuck's tiny hamster brain could count. The cement floor felt cold and hard under his tiny feet, entirely different from the wood chips he was used to.

He looked up, saw the giant creatures moving towards him and ran. They were large, clumsy creatures, and if he was lucky, he could get through their legs before they got to him.

Chuck braced his tiny legs against the concrete floor, and tensed his entire body waiting for the right moment.

One of the humans leaned over him, bent and extended a pair of hands. Chuck bolted.

* * *

[commercial break]

* * *

The Decepticons were in a temporary base, in a warehouse by the Chicago waterfront. There was half-assembled equipment everywhere, and in the center of the warehouse floor, there was Cindy, strapped into a metal chair, held by bands riveted into place over her wrists and ankles.

She was surrounded by Decepticons.

Hook stared at the small box, and poked it dubiously. "This is definitely Wheeljack's workmanship," he said disdainfully. "Some of these wires are not even sharp."

"I am not interested in the sharpness of the wires," Megatron admonished. "Will it work?"

"If Wheeljack had a hand in it," Hook replied, "then I doubt it. It's as likely to blow up as it is to capture energy."

"I want you to test it, not stare at it." Megatron growled. "Scrapper?"

"I am unfamiliar with many of the principles involved," Scrapper said, "I would need to see it operating before I could even begin to understand it."

"Than operate it!" Megatron bellowed. "We did not steal it just so you two could just sit around and do nothing. I want to know what love is, and how we can harness it!"

"I'm not certain this is going to tell us anything," Hook said, placing an electrode on each of Cindy's index fingers.

"I have to go to the bathroom!" Cindy declared.

"Again?" Scrapper asked. "Well, I'm afraid you're just going to have to hold it. Soundwave, use your screen to show something that a young human female would love."

Soundwave stood impassively, while a line drawing of a young human male was displayed, showing where all of the major organs are located.

Cindy was somewhat intrigued, but mostly just confused. "What is that?" she asked.

"It is a technical schematic of Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys, a popular teen idol," Soundwave explained, flatly. "I have also prepared technical schematics of Jonathan Brandis, Rickie Schroeder and Tom Waits if one of them is more likely to inspire thoughts of love."

Soundwave began to flip through the technical schematics of assorted pop and TV stars that might appeal to the girl.

"No, no, no!" Cindy shrieked.

* * *

"Got him," Detective Fairborn said, picking up Chuck easily as the hamster scurried towards her. "I had a hamster like this when I was a little girl. I'll feel a little guilty handing him over to a mechanical despot... squirmy little guy"

"Hold on loosely," Dr. Lewis said, "and don't let go."

"We could attach a tracking device to the hamster, and then it will lead us to where the Decepticons have taken Cindy," Perceptor said.

"I have just the thing," Wheeljack said, rummaging through some equipment on the work table. "I was planning on using it to make a pellet appear at a location we tell it, but if I reverse the polarity, it should be able to tell *us* where the pellet is..."

Perceptor glanced over Wheeljack's shoulder. "That is simply a standard Autobot tracking pellet and tracking scope, which you reversed the polarity on."

"And if I put the polarity back," Wheeljack said, "it might just work as originally designed."

"We only have another fifty minutes before our hour is up," Detective Fairborn said. "Can you restore the polarity in that time?"

"Done." Wheeljack said, anticlimactically. The pellet was put in the hamster cage along with the hamster, and then everyone sat around for fifty minutes.

* * *

"This is useless," Hook said.

Soundwave was perturbed. "Experimental data suggests human females do not respond to technical diagrams."

"We need to try something else," Scrapper said.

"I have assembled over 150 of the most popular human love songs, downloaded in a lossy format from a service called LimeWire," Soundwave announced. "Surely one of these will provoke a reaction."

"We don't have time for this," Hook grumbled. "Megatron wants results now."

"I will play all 150 songs simultaneously. The human female will be overwhelmed with feelings of love." Soundwave declared.

As the hour was running out, Rat-Bat flew into Dr. Lewis's lab through the hole in the wall, and landed on a table.

Jazz approached with the hamster cage. "If you hurt one hair on Cindy's head, or one whisker on Chuck's, I will hunt you down, Decepticon."

If Rat Bat understood the threat or cared, the shriek he uttered said nothing. He clutched the cage and departed.

"Wheeljack?" Detective Faireborn asked.

"It's working," Wheeljack said. "Now, let's just hope they don't have her in their undersea base."

"They didn't have time between the initial attack and the phone call to move the girl that far," Detective Faireborn deduced.

"They can fly," Jazz said, pacing anxiously. "They have a space bridge. They might not even be on the planet anymore."

"You worry about her, like you were a human," Detective Faireborn said to Jazz, while glaring over at Dr. Lewis.

"I'm worried too," Dr. Lewis said.

"You're eating!" Detective Fairborn admonished him, as the microwave let out a plaintive ding. "Your daughter has been abducted, and there you are eating microwaved burritos."

"I eat when I am worried," Dr. Lewis said, opening the door to the microwave, "and I haven't been eating burritos. That was a hot pocket. This is hot burrito number one. Although, I am worried enough that there will likely be hot burrito number two."

"Now I'm worried," Wheeljack said, looking at the monitor. "They have found the tracking pellet and discarded it about 8 blocks south of here."

"There is another theory that one could make from the data," Perceptor stated. "Namely that the Decepticon base is 8 blocks south of here. It is improbably close, but we should also consider that Rat Bat has no hands with which to extract a pellet from the cage."

"I'll go take a look," Jazz said. "Contact Optimus and get some more Autobots here."

"It's nearly 1,100 miles from the Ark to here," Perceptor said. "If the Aerielbots are not available, your options will be limited to the Autobots on scene."

"I could build another Dinobot before they got here," Wheeljack said, with dampened enthusiasm. "I was considering a wooly mammoth, but they aren't actually dinosaurs."

"Pterosaurs aren't dinosaurs either," Perceptor muttered quietly.

* * *

"These love songs have no effect," Soundwave said. "I have increased the volume to over 120 decibels, and still no effect."

"It hurt," Cindy said.

"I'll make you hurt," Scrapper said, clenching his fist menacingly.

"An intriguing option," Hook said. "There are many human songs about how love hurts, so pain may rekindle feelings of love that the human has experienced before."

Cindy began to cry.

"I have another approach," Soundwave said, and then began to serenade Cindy in his dull monotone.'Girl, you'll be a woman soon...'

Soundwave was interrupted by the arrival of Rat Bat carrying Chuck in a cage.

"Chuck!" Cindy exclaimed, as a small light flickered on a control panel. "Don't hurt my hamster, Mr. Robot, please don't hurt my hamster."

A small lightbulb lit up.

"Hurt a poor defenseless animal? What type of monsters do you think we are?" Hook asked.

"Probably the type of monsters who would hurt a poor defenseless animal..." Scrapper said, chuckling as he placed his hand on top of the cage and began to press down. "And she's right."

"No!" Cindy screamed. The light bulb glowed briefly and then flickered out.

"Keep on loving, you!" Scrapper commanded, continuing to press down on the cage until the sides began to buckle.

"Chuck!" Cindy screamed, and the light bulb exploded.

"Megatron will be very pleased," Scrapper said, raising his hand off the bent cage.

Chuck looked out the bars of the cage, and twitched his whiskers.

* * *

Wheeljack and Jazz pulled up to an abandoned factory in Chicago's warehouse district. Initially it appeared like any other abandoned factory, but the tracking scope confirmed it - Chuck was inside, and probably Cindy and the prototype as well.

"I wish the Aerialbots weren't stuck back in time, again," Wheeljack said. "We could definitely use their help, but by the time they are rescued it will be too late."

"We will need some kind of diversion," Detective Fairborn said, carrying Perceptor in microscope mode as she climbed out of Jazz.

"I've been rebuilding Megatron's giant purple griffon. It would be perfect, if only it was ready," Wheeljack said.

"Well, then it will be up to us," Perceptor replied, "armed only with our weapons and our wits."

"What about that tractor trailer over there?" Wheeljack asked. "It's the same model as Optimus, just the wrong color. If we could somehow make the Decepticons colorblind, and then send this through the walls of the factory, they would attack it rather than us."

"We can't just go stealing trucks off the street," Detective Fairborn said. "I'm a police officer, and I have to follow the rules, and you do to."

"We may have to bend the rules if we want to rescue Cindy," Jazz said. "And Chuck."

"And that yellow Volkswagon," Wheeljack said. "And that police car... We could send a bunch of cars to distract the Decepticons."

"We're not stealing a police car," Detective Fairborn protested, but not very strongly.

"With my light system I can project red onto the truck," Jazz said. "I have never used the lights without the sound, but it should be doable."

"And I can hotwire all of them, and hold down their gas pedals with bricks or something," Detective Fairborn said, giving in completely.

"And, while the Decepticons are fighting some cars, you can sneak in with Perceptor," Jazz said to Detective Fairborn. "You will be small enough that they won't be looking for you. They may look right over your head."

Detective Fairborn held the Autobot scientist in microscope mode, and nodded agreement before shaking her head. "How does this even work? He was thirty feet tall a few minutes ago, and probably weighed several tons - how does this make any sense?"

"By charming the strange quarks, the physical dimensions of the Cybertronian body can be adjusted during transformation," Perceptor explained. "The mystery is not why I am able to change scale and mass during transformation, but why Wheeljack does not."

"My robot mode is several inches taller than it would be if I did not," Wheeljack replied, curtly.

"We don't have time for this," Jazz said, annoyed. "You can save your size competitions for later, when I'm not around, and when a little girl and her hamster are not in danger."

"I could not have said it better myself, Mr. Jazz," Detective Fairborn interjected.

"Actually, it would be more correct to say 'You should save your size comparisons for later,' since Jazz was expressing a preference for the time, rather than making a statement about our capabilities, so you in fact could have said it better yourself, Detective." Perceptor said.

"He always has to have the last word," Wheeljack said, explaining Perceptor.

"Enough, both of you," Jazz commanded. "Detective, you get inside, when we draw the Decepticons out. Find the girl, get her to safety, and then signal us-"

Detective Fairborn patted her gun. "One shot if I am clear, two shots if I need you to rescue us."

"Just use your radio, we Transformers always hear the police scanner," Jazz said. "Call in a theft of juice at the local diner, and we will retreat to the north while you head south, then hotwire a car and get to city hall, we will meet you there."

"I really don't feel comfortable hotwiring all these cars and trucks," Detective Fairborn said. "Once we get to a safe distance, I will call for backup."

"No, no, the Decepticons may be listening, and that would give away your position while you're vulnerable," Jazz replied. "Everything needs to be in code, so the Decepticons don't know what is happening."

"Fine, I'll hotwire another car," Detective Fairborn said. "And we will send the police on a wild juice chase."

"Don't worry about it so much," Jazz countered, "the police in Central City hotwire cars all the time."

"Oddly, that does not make me feel any better," the Detective replied.

"And, should we encounter Decepticon activity inside the warehouse, my transformation into robot mode should provide the Detective with an element of surprise," Perceptor explained.

"And provide the Decepticons with a larger target," Wheeljack said.

"Although that is not an outcome that I eagerly anticipate," Perceptor replied, "it is likely that I would be more resistant to Decepticon fire than either an unarmored human or hamster."

"If you can all change size when you transform, maybe I should bring Jazz with me, since he knows how to fight. Just transform into a very small car."

"I don't know how to change size," Jazz said, a little embarrassed. "I'm not even sure what charming strange quarks means. It just sounds like gibberish."

"It requires a relatively sophisticated intellect," Perceptor said.

"But it doesn't require any modesty," Wheeljack added.

"Although, if Wheeljack can do it, even in a limited way, I see no reason we could not teach the technique to Jazz, or one of the Dinobots," Perceptor said. "Although, perhaps the Dinobots are not sophisticated enough given their construction."

* * *

Three vehicles slammed through the walls of the warehouse, and the Decepticons opened fire. The vehicles sputtered and stopped under the laser fire.

"Optimus, after all these years, it ends like this," Megatron said, with a bit of sadness in his voice. "Not some glorious battle, but with your transformation cog knocked out of place when you crashed into a building."

The truck lay there, engine running, fuel dripping out into a puddle.

"Aren't you going to beg for your life?" Megatron asked. "Or Prowl's? Or the human's? Or even the hamster's?"

The truck continued to lay there, as Detective Fairborn slipped through the side door while Megatron wasn't looking.

"Really, Optimus, after all we have been through, you aren't even going to make a speech about right and wrong? Or good and evil? Optimus, you disappoint me."

"Oh, mighty Megatron," Starscream needled. "I made Bumblebee beg for his life before I destroyed him. He whimpered and he cried, and you cannot get anything from Optimus?"

"Hook! Scrapper! There is something wrong with Optimus's voice box!" Megatron shouted. "Repair it so we can listen to his desperate cries for help."

Scrapper and Hook glanced at each other. Hook slumped his shoulders and went over to examine Optimus, grabbing the truck's grill and pulling it out of the way with brute force.

"It's just truck," Hook declared, after a few moments of tinkering, and a few sharp punches. "And the red is just projected on," he said, waving his hand which had a white shadow.

"Just a truck..." Megatron repeated. He turned towards Starscream, and continued accusingly, "and yet, Bumblebee begged for his life?"

"It might have been the radio," Starscream suggested.

Ramjet headbutted the police car, revealing an ordinary human engine under the hood.

"Starscream, you fool, this was just a decoy! The Autobots are here!" Megatron bellowed. "Starscream, take Ramjet and Dirge and search the base! Hook, Scrapper, secure the prototype, the girl and the hamster!"

* * *

"She's inside," Wheeljack said.

"And the Decepticons are bound to figure out that those weren't Autobots, so time for phase 2," Jazz commanded.

"I don't like phase 2," Wheeljack said, accelerating towards the shattered front of the warehouse.

"We're just two more harmless decoys," Jazz said. "They won't bother with us until it's too late."

Detective Faireborn slipped in the side door of the warehouse, while the Decepticons were occupied. There were rows and rows of wooden crates, and behind those the cold, steel walls of Decepticon architecture.

The Detective kept close to the walls, so she would be less visible as Perceptor guided her towards the transmitter. She stopped short when she heard the metallic footsteps of Hook and Scrapper.

"I have improved this prototype significantly," Hook declared, "and I have barely touched it. The addition of a Cybertronian modular component increases the output by a factor of four."

"We're supposed to be guarding the girl, the hamster and the prototype, not improving them," Scrapper muttered. "All of that can wait."

Hook picked up the metallic mask he had created for the girl, shook his head ruefully and set it down. "Soon, little girl... soon."

"More human cars?" Starscream said, with disgust. "Do the Autobots think we are so stupid that we can be fooled the same way twice?"

Starscream lazily fired a shot at Jazz as he turned his back on the approaching Autobot.

Ramjet shrugged. "Human vehicles aren't even worth the bother. They will crumple on impact with anything."

"Maybe they are really Autobots, pretending to be human vehicles pretending to be Autobots..." Dirge said, just to be contrary and suggest the worst. His voice trailed off as he watched Jazz transform and shoot down both Starscream and Ramjet. Dirge sighed a slightly sad sigh as Jazz blasted him in the chest.

"Rat Bat, eject-" Soundwave began, before Wheeljack transformed and shot him three times. Soundwave crumpled backwards, and quietly said "Operation repair." Nothing happened.

Megatron looked over, still reeling from the surprise, and then ducked down behind some equipment so he wouldn't be as large a target. He began to raise his cannon.

"Shouldn't you be saying 'Decepticons, retreat!' about now, Megadud?" Jazz asked, firing at the equipment, keeping Megatron pinned, but unable to hit the Decepticon leader.

"The surprising success of your surprise attack means that my Decepticons are in no condition to retreat," Megatron said. "Astrotrain, Blitzwing and Octane are already on their way, and you will be destroyed. Ironic, isn't it? Had you not so effectively disabled the others, we would have retreated."

As Megatron spoke, holding the Autobots' attention, Soundwave's chest door was being pushed open by the combined effort of Rumble and Frenzy.

"The Aerialbots are also on the way," Jazz bluffed. "We just want the girl, and the hamster. Release them, and we can all get out of here."

"And the prototype," Wheeljack added.

"The prototype is mine!" Megatron hissed, watching Frenzy and Rumble climb out of Soundwave's chest and begin helping Overkill and Slugfest out.

"The girl and the hamster," Jazz said, firmly, although it was unclear whether he was talking to Megatron or Wheeljack.

"I have taken a liking to the hamster," Megatron said.

"The girl and the hamster, Megatron. We walk out with those, you get the proto-"

Laser fire interrupted Jazz's negotiations, as the mini-cassettes opened fire.

"Scramble!" Jazz ordered.

"We're cut off!" Wheeljack responded, shooting at the small Decepticons, and hitting Frenzy. Rumble dove into Soundwave's chest compartment, and then popped his head and arm out, using Soundwave as cover.

"Only one way to scramble then," Jazz said, running past Megatron's hiding spot, shooting haphazardly at the great Decepticon, and entering the warehouse.

"Oh, sure, run into the Decepticon base," Wheeljack muttered, following and shooting randomly over his shoulder, as other damaged Decepticons began to stagger to their feet.

* * *

"What do we do?" Detective Faireborne whispered. "There are two giant Decepticons guarding her."

"I believe we could press our advantage of surprise by using me as a projectile," Perceptor responded. "Throw me at one of them, and then proceed to duck."

Detective Faireborne held Perceptor in her hand, weighing him, and pondering how much force he would have. She lifted him, and heaved him at Scrapper.

As Perceptor tumbled through the air, he began to transform, expanding rapidly in both size and mass until suddenly Scrapper was struck with the full force of a large Autobot tackling him. Perceptor gave a sharp blast with his optical laser, disabling the Decepticon, before quickly transforming back to his smaller microscope mode, and clattering to the floor, and then racing towards Hook on his tiny treads.

"What?" Hook demanded, surprised by sudden attack. His optics scanned left and right and then finally down until they settled on Detective Faireborne. He aimed his gun at the human, and was thrown completely off balance by Perceptor transforming directly under him.

Perceptor threw the Constructicon off of him, and then shot him in the face with his concussion rifle. "I believe that will prevent their interference for several moments at the least," Perceptor stated, while pulling the restraints off Cindy.

"That was amazing," Detective Faireborne said, quite visibly impressed.

"It also caused me to strain a turbo disk in my lower back as I was lifting Hook," Perceptor said. "I am afraid I can barely support my weight at this juncture."

Perceptor quickly, but somewhat spastically, transformed back to microscope mode, shrinking in the process. "Ah, that is better, but I am afraid I will be little use to you this way, unless you need to analyze some slides. I'm just going to hide in a corner."

"That's a little less amazing," Detective Faireborne said. "Cindy, are you ok?"

"They made me do things," Cindy said.

"Can you run?"

"Yes..."

"That's ok enough for now," Detective Faireborne said, unlocking the slightly crushed hamster cage. "And are you ok, Chuck?"

Chuck twitched his whiskers as if in response, and Detective Faireborne grabbed the little hamster and quickly stuck him into the pocket of her jacket.

"I'm scared," Cindy said. "I want to go home."

"Don't worry, Cindy," Detective Faireborne said as warmly as she was able under the circumstances. "We'll get you back where you belong."

"Going somewhere?" Hook asked, beginning to push himself up. His face was dented because of Perceptor's concussion rifle, but otherwise he was mostly functional. "Not without giving me a kiss goodbye, I hope," he said, ominously.

* * *

[Comercial Break]

* * *

Wheeljack barged in and smacked the Decepticon in the back of the head with a wrench, causing him to collapse. Jazz kicked Hook in the head.

"Am I glad to see you two!" Detective Faireborne said, relieved.

"New plan," Jazz said, "we run into the center of the Decepticon base, meet you, Cindy and Chuck, and then try to escape. Where's Perceptor?"

"I am down here, temporarily disabled after some rather impressive and ingenious melee combat wherein I utilized my mass displacement to-"

Wheeljack grabbed Perceptor off the floor, and held him in his free hand, covering his vocal processors. "I've got him, let's get out of here," Wheeljack said, over the muffled explanations and complaints of Perceptor.

"Did you happen to hear anyone mentioning a back door to this place?" Jazz asked, bending down to address Cindy.

"We're all going to die," Cindy said.

"Well, yes," Wheeljack replied, "but hopefully not for a very long time. Probably millions of years in my case, and about 60 or so in yours, if we can find our way out of here."

"You're not very good with children, are you?" Detective Faireborne asked, rhetorically.

"This is all my dad's fault, isn't it?" Cindy asked.

"There's the side door that I came in," Detective Faireborne said.

"It's too small," Jazz said. "Only human sized."

"A lot of these old warehouses have loading docks in the back, along with the grated garage doors in front," Detective Faireborne said. "Assuming this dates back far enough... The original settlers set up everything facing away from the water, so they could watch for Indian attacks from the land, but in the 1950s, people started using the beach so they turned the entire city around, so they could see the lake and the sunbathers."

Wheeljack shook his head dismissively. "They could have just moved the lake, or created an elaborate system of mirrors..."

Perceptor attempted to say something, perhaps suggesting another solution to the problem of buildings facing the wrong way, but Wheeljack's hand was still covering his vocal processors, so there was a muffled grumble.

"I hear something," Jazz said.

Perceptor's muffled grumbles got louder.

"No, not that," Jazz said, grabbing the prototype. "I think I heard metal footsteps coming our way. We need to get moving."

And with that, the Autobots and their human friends quickly left the Constructicons' makeshift lab, and entered the rear of the warehouse.

"What on Earth is this?" Detective Faireborne asked, looking about the warehouse floor.

Strange machines were scattered across the floor. Massive capacitors and coils, some kind of crystalline pump, a large stasis tube holding the remains of some kind of creature, barrels and shipping containers and countless other things.

"I have no idea," Jazz said, "but nothing good..."

"Mostly junk," Wheeljack said.

"Spa-mmmmmmf mrrf," Perceptor said, before Wheeljack discreetly moved his fingers off of Perceptor's vocal processors. "Space junk. This is just a warehouse filled with bits of broken alien technology."

"Why would anyone want a hypersonic egg beater?" Wheeljack said, rubbing a device near them. "I don't even know where you would find hypersonic eggs..."

"I would postulate the Decepticons must be cataloging and analyzing all of this, looking for a useful technological advantage."

"But, it's junk," Wheeljack said.

"Yes, well, Astrotrain is certainly not going to be the best judge of the functional practicality of anything he encounters, so the Decepticons would need to send along someone with more technical expertise, and that is in rather short supply."

"Is there any of this that we can use?" Detective Faireborne asked.

"Probably, but the odds of us finding it in here before the Decepticons find us is somewhat improbable. I am, however, concerned that the Decepticons will find something useful if they have more time to examine it."

"So we should blow it all up?" Wheeljack asked.

"We don't have time for that," Jazz said. "Our first priority is to get Cindy and Chuck to safety, along with the prototype. The rest will have to wait for reinforcements."

* * *

"Blast!" Megatron cursed. "Those accursed Autobots have rescued the girl and the hamster, and taken the prototype."

"They-ey-ey can-not-not-not have gotten-ten-ten far-ar-ar," Hook said, malfunctioning on the floor.

"He's right," Starscream said. "The walls of this warehouse have been upgraded with reinforced Cybertanium, and the rear exit is now sealed with a reverse quantum lock. They are trapped."

"Tur-tur-tur-apped with unk-unk-unknown ali-en-en-en artifac-fac-facts," Hook cautioned.

"Then we must strike now," Megatron ordered, "before they find anything of use. Dirge is mostly functional, Soundwave is back online, Ramjet was just stunned, Hook is too damaged. Scrapper, report your status."

"Optics offline, still resetting. If we had more time we could pry the optics out of Hook's head and put them into mine."

Megatron hesitated for a moment, seemingly weighing the value of another functional Decepticon against the Autobots being left in a room filled with alien artifacts, any of which might be turned into a weapon. Really, though, he was just having a sad sense of deja vu - somehow, every time he had Autobots outnumbered and cornered, things always went wrong.

"Come, now," Megatron barked. "Scrapper, follow once your optics reset."

The Decepticons entered the store room, leaving Hook and Scrapper behind.

"Wha-wha-why di-di-did you sug-sug-suggest pry-pry-prying my eye-eye-eyes out-t-t-"

"It sounded more helpful than just refusing to go into a room with an Autobot scientist, an Autobot engineer and who knows what alien artifacts. Megatron wasn't going to do it, and if he did, well, I would just say my optics reset before he tried to pull mine out to install yours. I can see fine."

"I ha-ha-hate you."

"I get that a lot," Scrapper said, grabbing his fallen teammate by the arm and beginning to drag him. "Come on, let's get out of here before the Autobots come bursting through the door with a death ray made out of a turbo-spatula and an oscilloscope."

* * *

"Well, now what?" Starscream asked. "They could be anywhere in this junk."

"There is only one way in or out, and we have that well defended," Megatron stated. "It is only a matter of forcing them to make a move."

"I say we just bring the roof down on top of them and pick through the rubble," Rumble said.

"Ravage, eject. Operation reconnaissance," Soundwave said, as his chest door opened and Ravage ejected. Ravage landed on the ground, looked up briefly at Soundwave, and then vanished into the shadows.

Starscream surveyed the room, looking for any sign of the Autobots hiding behind piles of alien artifacts.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are..." Starscream taunted. "You can't hide forever. We know you're here. We'll hunt you, We'll find you and we'll tear you apart."

Behind a Skuxxoid Ice Cream Maker, Detective Fairborn looked up at Jazz - their hiding place wasn't very good, and she was frightened.

"They'll never tear us apart," Jazz whispered.

"I've found a turbo-spatula," Wheeljack whispered. "If we can just find an oscilloscope, I think I have an idea..."

"With some modifications, the focusing cylinder from the hypersonic egg beater could be used as a rudimentary oscilloscope..." Perceptor said.

"Of course," Wheeljack replied, excitedly. "But that's over in that pile by the door, right in front of Megatron."

"Is this some kind of insane space kitchen?" Detective Faireborne asked, somewhat dumbfounded.

"I'm going to try to sneak over and get that hypersonic egg beater," Wheeljack said, "unless anyone has a better idea."

"I'm a lot smaller," Detective Faireborne said, "I can probably get a lot closer without being noticed."

"It weighs over 700 pounds," Wheeljack said.

"I'll get it," Jazz said. "I'm faster than you."

"But, you don't know what it looks like, and I'll want you to provide cover fire if they do see me."

"Although I am still mostly trapped in this mode," Perceptor began, "I could go to the other side of the floor and create a distraction. I can then hide in the piles of debris."

"Good thinking," Jazz said, and Perceptor slowly rolled off on his treads.

"Why do microscopes have treads?" Cindy asked.

"For times like these," Detective Faireborne replied, putting her arm around the child. "And don't worry, he'll be fine."

* * *

Wheeljack began to quietly shuffle towards Megatron, ducking behind a Nebulon Crowd Pleaser and a couple of barrels of Fantoman Universal Non-Dairy Creamer. There were only twenty feet of unprotected space between him and the Hypersonic Egg Beater.

There was a garbled transforming sound and a loud crash on the other side of the warehouse floor, and Megatron waved Dirge, Rumble and Soundwave to investigate.

Wheeljack made his move, darting as quickly and quietly as he could, ducking low to the ground. His hands grasped the device, and he began to turn when he saw the glowing eyes of Ravage.

Ravage fired several blasts from his hip cannons, barely missing Wheeljack, but striking the Hypersonic Egg Beater.

Megatron and Starscream turned and blasted at Wheeljack, striking him in the side. Jazz fired three times and disabled Ravage who went skulking back into the shadows. Wheeljack pressed against the pile of junk in front of Megatron, using it for cover.

A stray blast hit the barrels of non-dairy creamer, which began foaming uncontrollably, oozing out onto the floor. Wheeljack tried to pull himself away from it.

* * *

Chuck found the Detective's pocket unpleasant. She was running, and jostling him around, and it smelled funny, and he had a vague fear that something would happen and he would get squished.

He poked his little nose up, pushing back the flap, and then stuck his head out. The warehouse didn't look all that inviting, having no woodchips on the floor, but it was better than the pocket.

Chuck climbed out of the pocket, and scrambled down the detective's blazer and ran along the floor next to a crate.

"The hamster!" Detective Fairborn cursed.

"Chuck!" Cindy cried, and ran after the hamster.

"I'll save Chuck," Jazz declared, and stepped out from behind the pile of crates, gun drawn. A blast struck him in the chest and knocked him backwards.

Laserbeak grabbed the girl, and Rat-Bat grabbed the hamster.

* * *

Jazz was stunned for a fraction of a second, but very quickly regained his composure. "Wheeljack's repairs are not quite holding," he said. "He must have had to improvise, lacking parts. What's the situation?"

"We're outnumbered," Detective Fairborn said, "my gun is useless against these things, and the girl is captive, along with the hamster. We need backup."

"Backup won't get here in time," Jazz said. "And without the prototype, both the girl and the hamster are useless to Megatron, and he won't leave them around for long."

"What are we going to do?" Detective Fairborn asked. She knew what she wanted to do - hand over the prototype to buy the girl some time - but she thought it would be easier if Jazz came to that conclusion himself.

"There's not much we can do," Jazz said, clearing the static from his laser pistol. "We rescue the girl. And the hamster."

Detective Fairborn looked up at the giant robot, surprised that he would be willing to risk himself for a human child. Instead of eyes, he had a visor across his face, and his nose had no nostrils, but his lips were full and supple, despite being made of metal.

The prototype in her hand began to get warm and spark.

"What's going on?" Jazz said, staring at the prototype.

"It must be malfunctioning!" Detective Fairborn claimed, a bit embarrassed.

Jazz popped open a panel in his arm, and connected some leads to the prototype. "For once, one of Wheeljack's devices is working as intended."

"No it isn't, it must be picking up some kind of stray transmission in the love field," Detective Fairborn insisted. "Let me see if I can adjust it or something."

"Don't look a gift horse-itron in the faceplate," Jazz said, placing his hand on the device, coupling with the Cybertronian modular component. "This power-up is just what I needed."

* * *

[Commercial Break]

* * *

Although earlier, Jazz had to rely upon his wits and the element of surprise to hold his own against the Decepticons, now he could rely upon brute force. Jazz's structural fields deflected all Decepticon fire, and his laser gun was now tremendously effective.

Jazz was used to the thrill of battle, with the energon pumping wildly through his systems, but this was different, this was almost boring. He was completely calm, he was probably entirely invulnerable, and the Decepticons seemed to be moving so slowly.

He walked straight into the Decepticon crossfire, and then calmly shot each of them with a disabling blow. He could feel the power-up faltering almost immediately, so he didn't try to press his luck. If it held out long enough, he could try to take Megatron prisoner, but Cindy, Chuck and Marissa were his first priority.

Wheeljack staggered to his feet behind them, and discovered that Perceptor had slowly made his way over to him. He picked up Perceptor and followed.

Ravage was sneaking in the shadows behind them, waiting for a moment to strike, but Jazz's optics were flowing with energy and operating well above normal. He spotted the Decepticon and felled him with a single shot.

And then the power up failed completely. "We've got to hurry," Jazz said, as Marissa was already rounding up Cindy, who was holding Chuck in her hands.

They quickly left the warehouse, passing Scrapper who was busily trying to repair Hook. Jazz aimed his gun at the Constructicon and shot him before he got a chance to react. He fell face first into the Hook's opened chest.

Hook glared at the passing Autobots.

* * *

Outside and several blocks away, the Autobots and the humans rested for a moment.

"We made a great team," Jazz said, a little shyly. "Maybe we should be... partners."

"I'm sorry, Jazz, I don't want you to get the wrong idea," Detective Fairborn said. "I just don't want anything permanent. Besides, I already have a car."

"Oh, right," Jazz said.

As he watched her walk away, possibly forever, Jazz felt his energy levels depleted, and his limbs felt heavier. He sat down on the curb.

Perceptor, clutching his lower back in pain, walked up with a scanner. "This energy drain is a most puzzling side effect of the device. It was not predicted in Dr. Lewis's models, nor my own research on the subject."

Jazz looked up at Perceptor and shook his head. "You just don't understand the power of love."

* * *

Epilogue:

* * *

"You are incompetent, Megatron!" Starscream screeched. "You have let the Autobots take the Love Machine, the girl, and the hamster - all of this was for nothing!"

"Are you finished, Starscream?"

"Soon enough Megatron, it will be you who are finished!"

"Not by you, at any rate," Megatron said dismissively. "The Autobots may have recovered Dr. Lewis's prototype, but not before we had a chance to analyze it under operation. They have done little more than show us a promising technology. Even now, Astrotrain is positioning a satellite of love above the Earth, capturing this human love and converting it to energon. And Scrapper is devising something he calls the love hunter..."

* * *

From The Archives Of Teletraan One

* * *

As the Autobots venture out into the Galaxy, they encounter new species already forging a way of life in the cosmos.

Skuxxoids are a vile and sinister race, with large scales, smelly food and bad music. Lacking any form of self-restraint, they breed like petro-rabbits and then have to resort to theft, blackmail and murder to support their large families. There is no job so morally or physically repugnant that a Skuxxoid would be unwilling to do it, for the right price. And often, the right price is cheaper than one expects - though inherently lazy, the Skuxxoid will work for less.

Skuxxoid fashion consists of short shorts and exposed midriffs. This has not improved their reputation in the galaxy.

* * *

Kiss Players is commonly viewed as the low point of Transformers fiction, but I place that title firmly on Energon.

Dr. Lewis, of course, has a first name of Huey, and Jazz had been excited to see Huey Lewis and the News. Since this story takes place in the mid-90s, we should just assume that Jazz's musical tastes have not changed. Also, he never showed any fondness for jazz, so what is up with his name? I guess Pablum Pop would have been less cool sounding.

"I already have a car" might be a little too cruel. Also, "males are mathematically incapable of love."

Tom Waits, although generally quite excellent (and I encourage one and all to take a break and watch the video for "Satisfied") is not a 1990s teen idol.

Random love-ish songs wedged into this story, whether it needed them or not:

\- "The Power of Love", HL and the News

\- "Back In Time", HL and the News (ok, not love, but more Huey is good)

\- "Love Field", Elvis Costello

\- "Satellite of Love", Lou Reed (also, I guess, "Satellite" by Elvis Costello, but I'm not sure "Now they both know what's inside a pornographer's trousers" is a lyric about love)

\- "Love Hurts", Graham Parsons, Nazareth, Everly Borthers, Etc.

\- "Hot Burrito, No. 1", The Flying Burrito Brothers

\- "Hot Burrito, No. 2," The Flying Burrito Brothers

\- "Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon", nearly everyone.

\- "Love Hunter", Whitesnake

\- "I Want To Know What Love Is", Foreigner

\- "Love Machine", The Miracles (I will confess to not knowing this one ahead of time...)

\- "Good morning, little schoolgirl", Yardbirds, etc.

\- "Just What I Needed", The Cars

\- "More Than A Feeling", Boston

\- "Keep On Loving You", REO Speedwagon

\- "Hold On Loosely", .38 Special

\- "River Of Love", T-Bone Burnett

\- "Back Where You Belong", .38 Special

"Hot Burrito, No. 1" sort of leaps out at you. There's no way to slip it in discreetly, but it is one of my favorite love songs.


End file.
